


You've Got A Perfect One So Put It On Me

by Bucky-o (orphan_account)



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Aliens, Bad Decisions, Bodyswap, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, True Love's Kiss, sorta - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-10
Updated: 2016-07-10
Packaged: 2018-07-22 19:27:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7451194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Bucky-o
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony looks down. </p><p>“Fuck.” He surmises, because, well. That's Steve’s body.</p><p>Bodyswap AU</p>
            </blockquote>





	You've Got A Perfect One So Put It On Me

“Fuck,” Tony said as he regained consciousness. The battle must have finished after he got knocked out, he's back in a med station. “Fuck fuck fuckity fuck.” Except-

He didn't say it.

Because that was Steve’s voice.

“...Fuck?” he tries softly. He must have gotten hit pretty hard when - what the fuck happened? He can't remember, whatever it was - happened. He can't let any of them know that he's having trouble telling people's voices apart, Natasha will try her mental recalibration shit, Pepper will try and ban him from the lab again, (at least that's one thing to look forward to, the suit probably got banged up, could always use some new upgrades) and -

He looks down. 

“Fuck.” He surmises, because, well. That's Steve’s body.

“Cap, man, what the hell?” Sam says bluntly from his seat at the end of the bed. Tony hadn't noticed he was there. Why the fuck is Sam at the end of his bed?

“He's awake now?” Natasha says, walking up to the bed. Tony tilts his head to look at her and, ok, yep, that's his body in the other bed.

He's getting good at coping with these surprises, he didn't even say fuck this time.

He focuses back on Natasha. She catches his glance and holds eye contact for one, two, three, before -

“Fuck.”

-pointing a gun at him.

“Woah, ok Nat.” Sam says, getting up slowly, hands st reached out placatingly. “Just cause dear old Cap is swearing up a storm isn't a good reason to start threatening him.”

“That's not Steve.” She says calmly, never taking her eyes off him.

Tony, or well, whatever’s operating Tony’s body chooses that moment to wake. It groans, raises it's hand as if to rub it's eyes, seems to take in the difference much as Tony did, and is sitting up in a flash.

It takes in the scene in front of it, Natasha aiming her gun at Steve’s body while Sam tries to get in between them, even with the bed in the way, and - 

“What the hell, Stark?” It groans.

“That's Steve.” Natasha says, and lowers her gun.

Sam glances between Steve and Tony. “Dude,” he says in a quiet, accusatory tone to Tony. He picks up the magazine he had been reading and plopped it over on the foot of Steve’s bed instead.

Tony rolls his eyes. “Really, Wilson?” 

“So.” Natasha interrupts them before they can really start. “Explanations. Anyone?”

Nobody says anything.

“Alien shit again?” Sam offers eventually.

Steve shrugs. “Sounds about right. I, uh...” He scratches the back of his neck. “Please tell me Thor’s on Earth?”

* * *

Thor is, luckily, on earth.

Tony won't stop making “thank god” jokes. It didn't take very long (two minutes) for Steve to tell him they weren't very funny, but really, what does Steve know? (Tony wishes he knew a bit more considering the whole, you know, piloting Tony’s body thing.)

When Thor arrives soon after they call him, he has very little to say.

“Never before have I seen such an occurrence.” He says to them. 

“C'mon, you're fucking Thor. You're telling me that you've never seen this?” Tony says. He has got to tell Steve to swear more, because damn, his voice is perfect for it. “‘Cause to me it screams ‘Hey, we're Thor’s next door neighbors, and we just love switching people around.”

Thor shrugs.

Tony sighs and shakes his head. “You've been contaminated with human apathy.” 

Steve rolls his eyes. “Your apathy contaminated him, so.”

“Excuse me, Rogers, I happen to be a very caring individual-”

“Uh,” Thor interjects awkwardly. “It is, you are aware, the night of date with beloved Jane, and as such, uh…”

The night of date. Good Lord. Tony waves him off. “Yeah, yeah, we'll be fine, go on.”

Thor nods. As he leaves, he tells them. “I am willing to offer any assistance possible, but… what is the saying Midgardians use? ‘Have you tried turning it off and on again?’”

Steve blinks at him. “Usually in reference to people we say ‘sleep it off.’”

Thor nods. “Noted, Captain. I shall return soon enough, my swagalicious brothers.”

He leaves.

“That's Clint’s fault.” They say in unison.

“So contaminated.” Steve adds in a whisper.

They don't say anything for a few moments, letting their situation sink in. 

“To be honest.” Tony says, “I wish he had actual, useful answers, but I'm still very glad he came.”

Steve looks very puzzled. Tony’s not sure he likes that look on his own face.

“I didn't know you and Thor were so close.” he says.

“Oh, we're not.” Tony reassures him. “But,” he grins, “I was almost his height for once.”

Steve rolls his eyes. Tony thinks he looks particularly good doing that. He makes a note to do it more often.

“Anyway,” Steve says pointedly.

At that moment Sam and Natasha return, having left to fetch everyone some food when Thor had arrived.

Tony watches in amusement as Sam walkes towards him automatically, then stopps when he realized that oh yeah, wrong one.

That's when it dawned upon Tony. The others could obviously see the gears turning in his head, because Sam mutters a quiet “Oh no.”

“I'm in Captain America's body.” Tony says slowly. “Oh my God!” then he shoots an apologetic look at Steve. “I mean, oh my golly gosh. Gotta uphold the public image.” 

The public image. Oh shit, this is not gonna go well.

“I can't be Captain America. I can feel it already, children are crying and houses are burning.”

Everyone in the room sighs.

* * *

“I think we should have sex.” Tony tells Steve absently.

It's only been a few hours since Thor left, and Tony has been spending time adjusting to this new body in his lab. He's soldering some parts right now because, well, he had _tried_ some more detailed wiring but Steve hands are just so… big. And strong.

Dammit.

That might have influenced him slightly towards making that proposition to Steve, mere moments after he'd stepped into the lab.

“Doesn't surprise me.” Steve says, hopping up onto a workstation and swinging his legs a bit. He's taunting Tony about his body's height, Tony is sure of it.

Also, no explosion towards the whole gay thing. Tony hadn't been sure what to expect, but, ya’ know, this was good. Good, yep.

“Why, Captain,” Tony smirks. He's not sure how Steve’s face will pull off the look, but he hasn't gotten around to practicing in the mirror so he's just going to hope for the best. “That's awfully forward of you.” 

Steve snorts. “Just used to the way you think, Stark. Let me guess. Sex for science, or something.”

Tony laughs. “Sex for sex, also, me. Or you in your case. Don't you want to know what it's like to have sex with yourself? C'mon Steve, this isn't the time for Sister Rogers to make a guest appearance-”

“From what I've seen since I've moved in here,” Steve interrupts him with a sly look, “You seem to already have been having plenty of time getting off by yourself, if you know what I mean.”

“Cappuccino!” Tony barks out a laugh as Steve hops down and turns to leave the workshop.

He was so impressed that Steve had made an innuendo, albeit a shitty one, that it didn't register it was an insult until he'd left.

“Jarvis,” Tony said, “lock the door to the Captain's quarters and inform him that if he wants to get in then the password is “Tony Stark can get some.”

“Sir, I regret to inform you that such an action is not in compliance with a guideline Miss. Potts created after the incident on October 26th-”

“Dammit.”

* * *

Tony doesn't know how long it is until he next hears Jarvis, saying “Sir, I have been asked to inform you that the Captain's body cannot afford to miss meals due to his rapid metabolism, and if Sir would just step upstairs then-”

“Mmhm.” Tony mumbles, trying to retain his focus on his work. “In a bit, Jarvis.”

“That is how you replied the last two times,” the AI sounded much too impatient for a supercomputer. “Sir.”

Last two times? Hm. Tony doesn't remember those. 

“Stark?” Steve calls as he comes down the stairs. Though the situation hasn't left Tony’s mind, it still startles him to hear his own voice calling him and to see his own body facing him. “Jarvis says you're not eating.” 

The traitor. “I'm eating same as I always am, Cap.” Tony says, stretching a bit. “I'm just busy with…” he gestures at his work. When he stops to think about it, he is hungry. Very hungry.

“You should have eaten hours ago.” Steve admonishes him. He grabs his arm and starts dragging him upstairs. “Stop ruining my body.” 

Tony rolls his eyes, but follows him. “But Cap, that's my one goal in life. To ruin you. Was planning a more exciting, R-rated, version of events, but then I thought, do I really wanna spoil you for everyone else? Actually, yes, I do, but-”

Why is Steve letting him run his mouth, oh my god, can someone please shut him up-

But Steve just laughs. “You wouldn't be the first, don't get too excited.” Which, ok.

“And that's a pretty short list of goals for Tony Stark.” Steve continues, leading Tony into the communal kitchen, where Tony saw many types of takeout spread across the island.

He turns to Steve, who shrugs sheepishly. “You need to eat.” 

Tony grins. “Second on the list of goals, eat all of this.”

* * *

Turns out, Steve’s body can.

Tony’s never had this much energy before. 

“I'm aliveee!” He crows as Steve groans, clutching his stomach.

“I'm gonna die.” Steve complains. “I forgot how little normal humans eat. Shoot.” 

“Normal humans.” Tony snorts, but let's it go.

He and Steve stay there while Steve “dies slowly” (his words). Tony snacks as they chat, trading stories from their lives before they met each other. From what Tony’s learned, Steve’s was a lot like an alley cat before the serum. Too much attitude, got in a lot of fights, thought he was bigger than he was. Probably had nine lives too, considering he survived everything.

Steve was telling him something about when Snow White had come out in theaters, joking about all the high tech they had had back then, when he pauses. “You alright, Tony?”

“Hmm?” Tony hums. “Oh yeah, fine. Great, even. I just…” He wasn't sure how to continue, but Steve was waiting. “My face is, obviously, a joy to look at. I just… I miss seeing your eyes when I'm talking to you. They're blue, you know, the bluest blue.”

What the fuck was he saying? Steve looked amused, but puzzled. Tony hopped up, exclaiming something along the lines of workshop! work to do! before rushing off.

Once he was out of Steve’s earshot, he stopped and leaned up against the wall.

The bluest blue.

Fuck, Tony could invent glasses that would allow people to see shades of blue they couldn't even _imagine_ existed, and he had said bluest blue.

He contemplated banging his head against the wall, but really, it was Steve’s head, and Steve didn't deserve that.

* * *

“Steveeee,” Tony said as he caught up with him later in the hallway. “You're disappointing me.” 

Steve cocks an eyebrow. “Why's that?” He sounds resigned, which just won't do.

“You can finally get drunk, for the first time in years, and what do you do?” Tony pauses thoughtfully. “I don't actually know what you've been doing, but it hasn't been drinking.”

Then he looks at Steve suspiciously. “Or was it? Say the alphabet backwards.” 

Steve laughs. “I've never know the alphabet backwards, Tony.” he says. “And I haven't been drinking, this isn't my body.”

Tony levels him with a look. “Are you joking? You know I'd have no problem with it. Hell, you'd probably be doing me a favor.” He places his hand on the small of Steve’s back and guides him into an empty rec room. Steve might have been going somewhere, but he doesn't seem to mind Tony’s diversion.

They sit on the large couch in the center of the room, and Tony has Jarvis turn the T.V. on for them, but they both face each other.

For lack of anything better to say, “So, wanna go for that sex now?” Tony teases him.

Steve looks thoughtful, which Tony is a bit worried about, truthfully. “Clint said something about how a kiss would fix everything. Did you two conspire on this?”

Tony laughs. “God, no, Clint been watching too many Disney movies.”

“Oh,” Steve shrugs, and then, “Why not.”

Which, ok, what?

“What?” Tony asks. He probably misunderstood, which happens to the best of us, ok, and- is Steve blushing a bit?

Tony decided he doesn't like it when his face blushes.

“I mean, its just a kiss, what's the harm, right?” Steve asks, shrugging again.

“What's the…?” Tony repeats, surprised. “Ok, uh…” Well, if Steve’s _offering_ a kiss, then…

Tony leans forward, slowly, and tilts his head down a bit (which, ok, fuck you), presses his lips against Steve’s, or Steve’s against his own, whatever, and-

Everything goes black.

* * *

He comes to, slouched over onto Steve’s lap while Steve pokes him. “Tony. Tony, wake up.”

Tony sits up. “What the hell.” he says loudly. He glances down at his hands. They're his own. “My life is not supposed to be a fucking rom-com.”

Steve just laughs. “Hey Tony?” 

And wow, there are his bluest blue eyes again. And, you know, the rest of him. Dammit.

“Do you think we'll be switched back we kiss again?” Steve asks him.

“Uhhhh…” Tony needs more processing time. “I mean, no, there's nothing to indica-”

“Good.” Steve interrupts him, and then surges forward and kisses him again.

* * *

They've been in the room with Sam and Natasha for at least ten minutes already. Tony would wager that Natasha has caught on to their switch back, judging by her small smirk.

Sam obviously hasn't, though. For one, he's still sitting beside Tony.

“I'm just saying that this could become a serious problem.” He's saying, “I know Thor has said to wait it out, and I respect the man, but…” he trails off, eyes flickering between Tony and Steve. 

Steve bottom lip is trembling with the effort of not laughing, and Tony smirking.

Sam sighs. “You guys have already switched back, haven't you?” 

He waits for Steve’s burst of laughter as confirmation. Sam sighs again, stands up from where he's been sitting beside Tony and drags himself over to the seat beside Steve. This time, it's Steve who gets the reproachful “Dude.”

“So, boys,” Nat asks them with a smirk. “How did you switch back?”

Tony turns to Steve. “You know, I think it's your responsibility as the Captain to inform the rest of your team, should this happen again, about the safety protocols. What d’ya’ say?”

Steve grins. “Well, Tony, you know I love a hands on demonstration.”

**Author's Note:**

> -I watched all the marvel movie out of order, fuck the time line  
> -I've never even read a stony fic, so  
> -I know that in mcu Tony isn't /that/ much shorter that Steve, but rdj is just So Tiny so I had to work that in  
> -Find me on tumblr @ plumfarmerbucky


End file.
